"Godly Legacy"

by B. Roze

This session of NewthinkingOnline is devoted to promoting stronger family ties through a more disciplined approach to family reunions and family meetings. I believe building Godly legacy can do this. Family reunions are very important cultural phenomena in America. They have been primarily used as a means to draw people together that are largely blood related for a time of socializing and fun. I can think back on a number of reunions that I have attended through the years. It was nice to touch bases with cousins, aunts, and uncles. Then, of course, it is a real bonus to meet relatives that you have never seen before and find out what has been going on in their world.

As my brother and our wives were sitting down for lunch one afternoon back in our hometown, I began to reminisce. It seemed our lives have been going by like a flash and was in no hurry to slow down. We siblings, for a number of years, had been spread out and across the country. At best, we were in sporadic contact with one another. How would it be possible to build a legacy as a family with our worlds being so far apart? At one juncture, it may have been as many as five or six years since I had seen some of them. Here it was I was living in Hawaii with my wife who had military service obligation there. My brother and his family lived in the Oakland/San Francisco Bay area, and my sisters lived in Ohio and Kentucky respectively. You can hardly be farther apart than that living in the States!

I began to ask myself as we sat there and talked what was this disconnected way we lived in relationship to one another all about? Clearly it was not intentional, but something seemed awry as time had melted away and years have passed by quickly. It seems that though we loved each other, the distance and disconnectedness has diminished the power of what we could accomplish with more deliberate efforts to build a family legacy. Nowadays as far as family reunions are concerned, something has changed.

All of a sudden, it is us who are heading into middle age that now need to pick up the mantel to build a family network and build a legacy that was deliberate, powerful, and Godly. Our parents and other adult relatives use to be the ones to handle those things, but the torch has been passed to the current more youthful generation in the age range of approximately 35-60. Those younger and older are certainly not excluded. If they are willing and able to help, then that makes building legacy all the more powerful. Perhaps our parents did not do it all right, but nether have or will we. We can build from what the previous generation has done. As I was speaking, it was a though a revelation had unfolded that was clear and impacting as far as what we could do to revolutionize family legacies through reunions and family meetings. I said to my brother and our wives as we sat there, "what if we siblings were to come to the table and lay our finances before each other and say, "here is where we are at financially and this is our situation raw and uncensored." My brother said that when he was in seminary in Atlanta, he remembered how during one of his courses, one Hawaiian gentleman stood up. He said, "In Hawaiian culture, there are no real secrets among family members." Everyone in the family knew what was going in the other segment of the family. This idea seems foreign to us because we have unwittingly adopted the American Spirit of Independence. This is a sociological model of family dynamics that is primarily European in its roots. You know, when our kids' turn 18 we kick them out and say the world awaits you, have at it! We have learned all to well to try to shield our nuclear families from other family members and outsiders who would "mind our business." I believe that Satan has used these tools of isolationism and independence as a means to divide and conquer with devastating effect. Individuals and family units are in a position where they are essentially not accountable to anyone. As a result, Family units and individuals end up in financial quagmires. Our children adopt cultural norms such as attitudes and behaviors that are unacceptable and they have little understanding of the need for long-term outlook on life.

To further complicate things, young men and women end up becoming parents before their time, martial discontentment, divorce and other terrible dynamics become a mainstay in our culture and lives. Why is this happening? The enemy does not want us to be open and vulnerable. We have been taught inadvertently that if we are having failures that we are to be embarrassed, ashamed and must keep them a secret after all, we're big Christians and we don't want anyone to know what a big failure we are in an area. We have accepted this without question that if we face serious issues, no one is to know about it as we work behind a mask to fix things. Usually, matters just get worse and to a point where recovery becomes nearly impossible. Only God can salvage some matters and sometimes people get to a point where they are unwilling to cooperate, even with God. You know it's bad if that occurs.

Psalms 37:5 Commit thy way unto the Lord, trust also in him and he will bring it to pass.

Family legacy is, in essence, a call to accountability and responsibility. The Jewish people are renowned for their commitment to family heritage and legacy by heeding the tenants of the laws of God established in the Torah during early biblical times. These individuals and families understood the power of following after the God of their father Abraham. These laws made it abundantly clear the importance of mentoring and training young Jewish boys and girls and imparting values and skills to them. My Apostle recently talked about The BarMitzva, for example, as means whereby a young Jewish boy is recognized as moving from childhood to adulthood. He is by the age of 12, recognized as a man and is made aware that he has moved into an age of accountability and will be treated as such. We have no such comparable ceremony that does that is widely practiced in western culture. Our kids mostly mosey and lumber along without any line of separation noting these milestones. They have little or no training in the responsibilities of handling money or marriage. Their interest is generally nil in them having responsibility to anyone beyond their sphere of interest.

Hosea 4:6 my people perish for the lack of knowledge

What if family reunions were turned into something beyond social events? What if it were also used as a time for training family in spiritual, practical, and other life matters? Think about it a moment; as most reunions stand now, people see each other and talk about how fat, small, young or old folks look. This usually includes some unflattering commentary and attitudes about old grudges. The kids play hard and watch the older folks bring in coolers of beer and liquor and get wasted. With no guidelines or explanations, kids grow up to abuse alcohol and other things. Then every one tries to get up, get all right and solemn for that Sunday morning service. I am not suggesting that there should be no alcohol used or fun and celebration occurring. I am simply asking, what better time is there to transfer legacy, ideals, and power for living? I have not come up with an ideal format for how this should work, but I do have some thoughts about what it should encompass. A list of ideas to implement this different approach to family reunions is listed as follows:

And he shall go before him in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just; to make ready a people prepared for the Lord." Luke 1:17

1. The Patriarchs of the family have a powerful responsibility to set the agendas and stress the family's need to invoke the power and the blessing of God during their time together. This needs to be done in a deliberate and clear manner. It should be understood that though it is a time for fun, joy, and celebration that it is a unique opportunity to impart into family members vision, knowledge, and wisdom for the coming days. This process is to help insure that God's purpose is fulfilled in the lives of the family members in attendance. This can be convened in a briefing before all the festivities begin.
2. During the festivities, workshops need to be set up to empower family members to rise to a new level in their lives. For example, Americans carry a lot of personal debt. The vast majority having no plan or skill of how to deal with there spending habits. The time you hear about it is when the family member is in dire straits with no food or is about to lose their house or car. This is unacceptable and can be avoided through family financial planning and accountability groups being set up.
3. Other forums can be set up with the older men sharing sound Godly advises with young men helping them avoid the many pitfalls of life. This would include teaching the importance of celibacy and monogamy. The young men should be encouraged to display appropriate attitudes towards girls and women. The same should be done with the matriarchs and the younger women in the family as is done with the young men. With family directly challenging each other and accountability established, people often work harder not to be a disappointment to themselves or others.
4. Accountability networks can be setup among family members. By this, family members work to establish rapport with certain other family members that allow a single person not to have to shoulder the weight of difficult circumstances or failures by themselves. This person or these persons allow family members that have established a rapport with them to speak wisdom into their lives and to help them resolve the difficulties of their situations.
5. Agreements have to be made about being in contact with one another after the event. The reunions will have no lasting power if that is not done. The Internet is a powerful resource to help with communication.
6. One of the "techy" family members can take on the responsibility to set up a website that carries important and uplifting family new. This reiterates and allows family members to reflect on many of the fun activities and life changing ideals that were presented at the family reunion. The idea of legacy has now taken on a very important meaning.

These are just a few ideas that I hope may really begin to take root amongst African American families. In future issues, I hope to further talk about specific points on how to make family reunions more successful. Some of that will probably have to do with the ideas presented here, but given in more detail if interest is expressed by readers of this website.