"HUSH CHILD!"

by Loretta Rose
Masters of Christian Counseling

Many of us have heard stories of adult sexual abuse of children. These stories frequently involve an older male family member taking advantage of preteen and teenage children. As a girl growing up one of my friends was the victim of this kind of abuse. After mustering up enough courage to tell her Mom, she was told to "Hush Child!" Her Mother was unwilling or afraid to deal with the situation for fear of the shame and turmoil such a revelation would have on the family.

Family secrets of sexual abuse are silent killers that destroy the very fiber that binds them together. Such secrecy only provides a safe haven for additional abuse. The perpetrator is then allowed to harm other non-suspecting victims as they continue their abusive pattern. Secrets of sexual abuse are really not secrets at all. They are seldom kept between the individuals involved. Someone knows! Victims often seek to relieve themselves of perceived guilt and shame by telling a close friend or relative.

According to the National Commission On Children, 15% of all reports of child maltreatment in 1990 involved sexual abuse. One third of these incidents occurred with family members. The Harvard Mental Health Letter entitled " How Does Exposure to Violence Effect Very Young Children?" states that the victims and perpetrators are most often people the child knows intimately and depends on for love and protection. All of us should be careful to listen to children when they show any signs of abuse. When a child says, "So & So --------------hurt me", don't be so quick to dismiss it. Ask questions and be willing to hear the answers. Allow the child the opportunity to expound as you listen carefully. Always take into consideration the child's age and maturity. Young children may have a difficult time distinguishing between truth and fiction. Let the child communicate using whatever language or method they are comfortable with. Be very careful as not to coach, lead, or interject ideas that may lead to false conclusions. Take time to carefully analyze the allegations.

Sexually abused children may tend to act out or suddenly exhibit behaviors that are out of character. Some become suddenly afraid of the dark while others may wet the bed again. A dramatic decline in academics or behavioral problems may also exist. This is not to say that all children exhibiting these signs are being sexually abused; however, many who are do exhibit such signs. The following questions may prove helpful in accessing whether or not your child is being sexually abused:

1. Does the child have a history of telling or exaggerating the truth?
2. Do the allegations line up?
3. How well do you know the alleged abuser?
4. Did the opportunity exist?
5. Are there any other allegations of sexual abuses by the same individual?
6. Does the child exhibit inappropriate sexual behavior?
7. Does the child have inappropriate sexual knowledge?
8. Does the child have any trauma or injuries in and around their private areas?

Sexual abuse of any kind is illegal and unacceptable and should never be tolerated. If the child has indeed been assaulted (i.e. medically proven, clear evidence), report it to the authorities and seek professional counseling as soon as possible. The earlier the child receives counseling the better. Many adults battle emotional issues today that are caused by unresolved childhood abuses. Remember, Always pray for wisdom when handling such delicate matters.